For the past couple of weeks I have been staring into the proverbial abyss and I really do not know what to do with myself. In the midst of preparing my dear father’s funeral I have seen more people in and out of my house than I care to admit and it really does trouble me. Some of you may know that I am a deeply private person and those of you that don’t (if anyone is reading this!) may think – how on god’s green earth can a blogger be private. Well some of us really are. This does not of course mean that we have split personalities but, please do spare a thought for those of us that like to keep some things away from the world wide web.
For longer than I can remember I have loved a good Insta session and have more photos on my phone than the average person (well, maybe not these days!). BUT recently I have taken photos, not posted them, thought about posting and then held back for one reason or another. I have felt that there is just no need for it and just could not be bothered. It has really irked me as like I mentioned above I do love a good insta session.
Something else that some/most of you know is that I am a nurse and dealing with grief is a large part of my job. With that in mind it does not mean that I am immune to grief and when it comes to my family I’m really not sure how to cope. I know what to do when it comes to redirecting others in the right direction and helping hold someone’s hand and deal with relatives and friends but my own – COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY.
How do I deal with it? I have no idea. How am I going to learn to deal with it? Once again, I have no idea. There are a couple of people in my life at the moment that really do just get me and that has been invaluable at this terrible time and they know who they are without me even shouting from the rooftops. They are the ones that don’t need to ask ‘how are you? Ten million times a day’ they are just there and for that I love them.
So from now I am thinking about the near future and it really is a bit of a black hole so please do hang in there.