There are days when you feel like you are sinking into a never ending abyss those are the days that you need to drag yourself out of that proverbial hole more than ever. Lately, despite having my family, close friends and colleagues around me I have never felt so alone. Personally I have never been the sort of person to dwell in the past and much prefer to get up and go rather than mope but that seems to have worked more to my detriment than credit. To add insult to injury one of the closest people in my life suffers from depression and I just don’t know what to do half of the time. Whatever I say or do is either not enough or too much and the happy medium seems like the holy grail. As I said within myself my go to trait is to sort out a problem and there are three things that over the years have helped me on my way to sorting out most of my problems. I hope they can help you too.
Is it so wrong to be just happy?
When I say ‘Me Time’ you are probably thinking that I have gone slightly mad but just keep on reading and you will realise that I have not! When you are alone you have the opportunity to do things your way without the consideration of anyone else, this is something that to some may be considered as terribly selfish but as an only child for years I have had to find ways to just be me without outside input so I am now able to thrive in this particular sense. When I am having a moment like this I like to run a hot bath, listen to my current audio book and light my favourite candle. The face masks are next to come out and I partake in the ritual of self cleansing from top to bottom – guys it is the best thing ever. When I have finished cleansing I move on to getting my thoughts down onto paper.
Whether I am writing a journal entry or a thank you note there is something personal about each part because it has come straight from me. When I am in deep thought I love to write as the words just flow freely and when I am done they stop naturally – I guess it is a bit like having a silent rant. The choice is yours after you have finished writing, you can either send it on to the person it was intended, keep it or even destroy it but in that moment it is YOUR CHOICE. For the past 63 days I have written in my journal every day as I haven’t really been feeling myself and in an effort to find out what the heck is my problem the writing has really helped. Of course I am still angry and hurting but it is much more bearable when I write it all down. When I am done putting pen to paper I get my trainers on and head out for a walk to let go of all the negative thoughts that have been surrounding me.
In an effort to breath and reboot whilst I am out I zone out whilst listening to my audiobook and just walk without a destination. There have been times where I have walked about 3 miles before I realise that I need to turn back and head home and there are times where I get to the corner shop and just want and need to get back home as quickly as possible. Either way I am out, breathing deeply and letting go. If you haven’t tried it then it is truly one of the easiest and most effectively ways of catching your breath and gathering or releasing your thoughts.
*The three suggestions given above should not be considered as medical advice and if you or a loved one is suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental illness please do seek help. Check out The Mental Health Foundation website as there are plenty of resources available.
On a daily basis how many people do you come into contact with? Whether it be face to face or online? I’m guessing that on average if we all really put ourselves out there we could reach a significantly large group of people. In that group of people how many would you consider friends? If that is too much to think about then at least contemplate out of the forever growing number of contacts how many could you call an acquaintance?
There is a significant difference between a friend and an acquaintance and I believe that even within that downsized circle there is an even larger divide between a friend and a best friend. When I say best friend I am not talking in the typically high school kind of way where you are best friends this week and next arch enemies. The type of ‘bestie’ that I am talking about is the one who has been there for you from way back when to a point that both of you and only the two of you can name the day. Do you have one person that despite all of the petty childhood arguments and teen angst that you can truly call a friend? A sister?
My late father once told me something that a very wise friend of his told him ‘You can count your true friends on one hand but your family don’t need counting as they are in your heart forever’. During the immediate period after losing my dear daddy it was crystal clear who my real friends and family are. Those that have been by my side know who they are and it was in my time of immediate need. In a time where my world crumbled into the smallest pieces each one of them were there putting me back together again. Please don’t be mistaken that I am fully recovered as that really is a long way off but with their help I will get there and the same is reciprocated to them.
I digress. . .
My blood sister is non-existent as I am an only child but the sister in my heart is Catherine from Vintage Frills.
Over the years we have had some rough times both individually and together but we are still unbreakable and every day I thank god that she is in my life. Between the two of us we have seen off many adversaries (the men in our lives and those female ‘friends’!) but our tough exterior doesn’t falter. We have moaned about each other TO each other but life never seems to get in the way if one needs the other. Luckily between the two of us we have two blokes who seem to have just accepted that we will be there no matter what – thankfully! I am lucky enough to have two beautiful strong willed god children and look forward to making life even better in the future. She has been my rock when I most need her and I love her for that and much more.
Life goes on and so does our friendship.
Who is your rock, bestie, sister? I’d love to know.
By now most of you will be either reading it, saying it, singing or just getting it out there in one way or another but HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY beautiful people. It is Tuesday 14th February and cupid’s arrow has been well and truly used and abused. The poor little sod has been floating about in his nappy with his arrow aiming at all of those lovely little heart strings in the hope to bring us all together with the one person that is meant for us (if you choose to believe it!).
Don’t love her because she is beautiful, love her and she is beautiful.
Of course you are thinking that there are a million and one things on your lovely lady’s wish list, but you know what you are probably the one and only thing she really wants for Valentine’s Day. In this day and age so much emphasis is put on the materialistic things in life and with work and everything else there is little time left to just be together. So this weekend the Mr and I spent a lazy weekend together doing not much (apart from my car MOT!) and let me tell you it was bloody amazing. This post links to my previous post of Love Yourself and Love Him as all of these posts are about showing some love with the bare minimum and getting the most of it. Just by giving that bit of extra time you can really make a difference in her day. Of course I have put a few of favourite things that I and let’s face it most females like to do but they are cheap and cheerful so check them out and let me know what you think.
Now I know that it isn’t every mans cup of tea to be traipsing around lugging bunches of flowers that your Mrs has bought because they are oh so pretty but you know what, if she likes it just do it! This isn’t me saying that you should be giving up every Sunday for the rest of your days but at least one would be nice. A massive plus point would be if you could slap a smile on your boat race and not let us know that you are dreadfully unhappy about this particular experience. My Mr is definitely in the category of ‘why don’t you and Cathy go to the market and meet me in the coffee shop afterwards’ bloke (Cathy from Vintage Frills can’t testify to that!). The last time I bought flowers this year however were for my dad’s funeral so I think the Mr really did make the effort to make me smile with a big bunch of red and white roses. Guys, you don’t see me admit it enough but this time I’ll say it loud and proud ‘THE BOY DID GOOD’ he really did. The fresh blooms really did lift my spirits and made me smile which I reckon is a pretty great thing for someone to be able to do for you. What’s your favourite flower? My favourite is the Orchid but they take such time and patience that I really don’t have!
Write It Out
Sometimes emotions don’t come out through words as they were meant to originally be conveyed when thought about in your head. With that in mind it may be a good idea for you to put pen to paper and write your love and little note just to say what is really going on up in that cranium of yours because let’s face it you aren’t just a pretty face right?!
Can you remember the last time that received something through the letterbox that was an absolute surprise and not a bill or piece of crap? If you can sympathise with this imagine how good it would make your significant other feel to get something in the mail just for them. If you don’t fancy sticking a letter through the post or can’t quite bring yourself to write a letter then how about love notes around the house. It is cheap and may even be free if you already have the post-its so get creative and tell her that you love her. One thing that usually gets a tear from my ducts are music lyrics, especially those from John Legend – that man has a way with words and we both love his song All of Me so go figure.
Favourite Coffee Shops
Look at that for a latte – huh! I mean just look at it! I had the matcha latte because of course I am not that adventurous but Cathy took the plunge and let me taste it and next time I will be getting that next time. There are other options but after a couple of cocktails we made our choice before we even got to AIDA. Coffee shops may be the places that you are happy for your lovely ladies to go with their girlfriends so you can have a bit of alone time with your playstation or whatever it is you guys do when we go for a gossip. It is however one place that most gals go to relax and just chill whether with a friend or not, so maybe it would be nice to spend a little down time together in her favourite coffee shop. One of my favourites as you can see is AIDA Shoreditch and it isn’t too far from the Mr’s so one day I will get him there, if I fail in my mission to get him there there is a lush little coffee place at the end of the road called 56 St James that also serve a killer breakfast/brunch.
On that note I will leave you with the Mr and I’s favourite song.
With all of that in mind it is time to really show her that you LOVE HER and remember not just on Valentine’s Day.
The main message from these little love posts is that to show love it is not always about materialistic things. I’m sure that we can all agree that it is nice to get a present that means something from our significant others but if it is just a token with no thought then it can be rendered meaningless as it sits on the side gathering dust. In comparison making memories with someone and actually putting a bit of thought into things really does go a long way and will be remembered for years to come. From me to the Mr this year I have got a jokey pressie, one that he actually will love and other things on the peripheries that he appreciates more than anything else.
Something He Will Love
If you are going to get someone a present the best thing that you can get them is either something that they have coveted for quite some time or something that you know that they will genuinely love and cherish. As mentioned above it is pointless buying a meaningless piece of tat for both parties as it is money wasted and nothing gained. However, when you go out of your way to think deeply about what the recipient of the present would like you not only spend wisely but get that great feeling of knowing they will love what you go them and when they open it they will be smiling thinking not only how great you are but how awesome their new gift is. I have to admit I have bought frivolously before without much thought and if I’m honest I feel a little hollow when giving it and always end up wonder should I have bought something else.
The Mr loves a good book both writing and reading and one of his favourite series before it was even televised was Game of Thrones. Being someone who has quite an active imagination he loves illustration as it lets out his thoughts in a way that sometimes words just cannot quite capture adequately. With that in mind the illustrated edition of Game of Thrones was the perfect present for him and as we are not seeing each other on Valentine’s Day I gave it to him this morning and he LOVES it.
Something For You Both
There is nothing better than hunkering down and snuggling up with your other half. We love our cuddles and his scent drives me insane – I know that sounds quite animalistic but you know who gives a shit – he is my man and I am damn proud. When we are at home we just kick back in our PJ’s and can watch film after film, there are no awkward silences, if anything he is telling me to shut the fuck up for talking to the screen (my mother’s child!). When I think of things that both of us would enjoy the one thing that springs to mind is a nice hot bath and a couple of drinks at home. Despite loving the great outdoors we are big home bods incase you haven’t noticed already!
Whilst out and about I picked up a few Lush goodies for our baths this weekend and they are just divine. Of course there are the special valentine’s range but he has quite sensitive skin (even more so than me!) so I have gone for one of his favourites which are Blackberry Bath Bomb mixed with a new one of mine Lover Lamp and the luxury bath oil Floating Island to make sure there is nothing too intense that may irritate. Despite being a bit of a mixed bag I love all of the scents and I think the bath oil tones down some of the more pungent scents and of course softens the skin at the same time.
There are so many ways to show the man in your life that you love him, please don’t do it on a whim. Take a step back, put some thought into it and really go for it because you know what guys – when you find the one you can give your all to they do the same back and it feels fucking amazing.
I’m not sure if he will read this but if he does this is for you A – I love you more than anything in this world baby.