Life before 30 has been a bit of a roller-coaster for me. It feels like I have been a twenty something for an extremely long time. I know it sounds silly but it really does feel like forever, not that I am complaining!
Throughout my 20’s I have seen family and friends get married, have a baby, have more babies, move house and change jobs. This is the bit where I am going to annoy even myself but I feel like I have stagnated. Despite so much going on I can remember small amounts of positive and quite a bit of negative. In general I am not a negative person and would much rather find a solution instead of dwelling on a problem. Despite not dwelling on negative aspects of life I do question myself A LOT and am always wondering what I can do to make things better for me and those around me.
Deep down I feel like I should have done more with my life but then I stop and think – seriously Fay STOP and look at what you have achieved so far, how happy you have been and how happy you can be. Stop looking at those around you for the go to ‘what life should be’ and get on with your own life. It really is easier said than done when you see your friends and loved ones progressing at a rate that just seems too far, but hey let’s just take a chill pill and slow the roll right down.
A couple of weeks ago after leaving A’s to go back home I took a wrong turn and ended up just driving, I drove through the town that we are potentially moving to and the carried on down the motorway towards my favourite Starbucks for an iced tea and some laptop time. In my head all I could think about was what I had planned when I was 19 going into my 20’s. Most of my inflated teenage plans are either forgotten or shattered and some are still in the pipeline.
Let’s have a little trip down memory lane in comparison to now shall we . . .
I planned to be a computer tech genius who wrote complex programmes and could make or break the program if push came to shove.
I am an Intensive Care Nurse who cares for patients with a multitude of problems, their families and friends and if needed holds the hands of those who would otherwise die alone. It is indeed the most privileged I have ever felt.
I wanted to be married with kids.
I am in a relationship with someone who I love very much and we are planning our future together, plans have changed but overall the end goal is the same.
I planned to be a homeowner.
I have moved back with my parents a while back now and despite really wanting to get my own place ASAP I am treasuring every moment I have with my dear parents and despite arguments and just outright disagreements I love them very much and know that our time together is limited so I am enjoying it whilst I can.
I wanted to be a big time blogger
Firstly, yes I have been blogging for a very long time and over that time I have changed my blog many times and evolved with it. At the moment I am half in, half out and feel a little bit like blogging really has had its day BUT I will not give up as I really do enjoy blogging and I think I am at that place now where it really is more for me than anyone else. If things take off then they do and I will be incredibly grateful for such an opportunity if not then I will still be here documenting what I want to, when I want to and most importantly HOW I want to.
I wanted to be a writer
I write in my spare time for my blog and a couple of other personal projects, I also write a variety of things for work but nothing as of yet has been published.
What did you want when you were 19 going on 20 and has it changed now you are 29 going on 30 or older?
Four days before my birthday and there are many other things swimming around in my head but I can’t quite get them down. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I lost a patient and boy did it happen quickly. It really did make me think about life in the broader scheme of things and I would be lying if I said it didn’t upset me. Thanks to my colleagues and A for keeping me on the straight and narrow.
Before I am 30 I would like to say that despite all of my wants and hearts desires I am 100% for those that I have around me from past and especially the present. I love you all very much and am grateful for every day that I have with you. Life is precious and I intend to live it to the fullest.
Are you almost or just turned 30?